Im tired, truly and utterly exhausted and drained. One could look at me and say to go to sleep, but this, this isn't about sleep. Let me explain. my eyes. They speak, they are loud, but you are deaf. My eyes are hooded in a way to one might see as needing sleep but look closer. The way the brown of my eye seems darker. The way my lashes show the shadows that should've never been there. The way the white of my eyes looks a little grayer and my skin a little paler. The way the corners of my eyes have this dewyness that isn't from allergies. The red that rims my lower lid seems a little to close to too many hours of being alone. My smile that seems too practiced and too bought but you bought it again for the hundredth time today. The lesser words I have said and the more I keep in my lungs with the lump in my throat that never goes away a small pressure to remind me that normal isnt a good thing. Like when you ask me who was school and I'd say normal or how I slept and I'd respond normal or how I felt and I'd respond normal. Normal seems to be my new word for not okay and some dont notice. Started to wear long sleeves again and telling my parents im not hungry. Truth is my normal isn't the normal I want and my mind is always on never off and my house seems a little too loud and the only place I feel safe is school even if its hell its a better hell than "home" and my life can be molded into something that seems perfect even if its not. Truth is im hurting but im hiding it behind a screen and a bathroom door while throwing up and behind long sleeves with bandages and behind blankets that hold tears and music that seems to get me more than my parents. Truth is im not okay and truth is I never was and never am. I just wanna rest my soul