feeling it again sitting in my room full of things I should care about noticing them silently when something keeps drawning me back to it I know it I know this voice I'd heard it before awareness doesn't change anything though I might memorise its whispers still listening politely after years it doesn't tell me I should be back to everything I know it no longer has the power to commend me this way but it just happens that all the priorities I have all around seem to disappear compared to it as if less valuable way less than they ought to remains this way since I rarely express the shift because I do fight with all the urges to scream "take me back" but I can't help the feeling so familiar I forgot I should fight it too that it mustn't be regular to still prioritise its aspects to still pay way too much attention to its symptoms one thing I keep forgetting I shouldn't normalise can destroy whole mood couple of moments brief happiness awesome memories I created away from its voice so I guess I must go against the last piece of this illness but I feel like I might be scared there could be something else from it left in me I kept unnoticed