In my head. There's just noise. Comments like static. Sharp as a knife. My emotions bleed to this every day. Nights where nightmares make me seem bleak. Tossing and turning. But I never actually scream. Crying but the tears belong from the deep down. The feeling of cherry Red warming intensifying underneath my skin. I'm frantic when I'm out my body is snatched and I'm trapped inside. The real me. But pieces of me leak out. Negative remarks my ears bleed to the idea of kin. Knowing home was never home when she left. Home repeatedly became pale or caramel skin softness like the sun blue green and hazel maybe always red black and blonde just to feel again. I smile a fake smile hidden the truth behind my brown eyes knowing nothing is as sweet when I'm with them. Just Alil bit just Alil while the happiness seeps in. My heartbeat a flutter knowing this too doesn't last. Nothing does. I'm a five second excuse to leave. I always am. Nothing stops it. Nothing will. This vicious aching cycle that makes stress slowly kill. Yet relax is another word for I can't be still. Pang in stomach is the phrase that leaves hunger obsolete. But I'm obsolete so that makes sense. I'm not here. I'm just drifting. Sleep doesn't belong to me. Dreams the sweetest used to claim me. Now I scream so no one would hear. I squirm just to exist. CPTSD just another label that people will grab their pitch forks out of fear. Of someone different. Someone not their own. Someone who is empathetic to the point they know what doesn't belong. Even if it's themselves. CPTSD made me the bedtime story they All fear. Lock him away they think. Even when my heart been soft this whole time. But they are the ones who only know to fear.