Is this what I'm really feeling? Or is this just a game? Some myth inside my head to help me mask the pain My mind is very strong, it's helped me stay alive But I'm tired of just living - I want to feel alive! I beg you my sweet brain, please tell me no more lies I want to feel this pleasure, for it truly to be mine! My past, it is a dark one, and I'm the one to blame But I'm searching for my light because I'm so tired of this game! The room may not be tidy, I'm still dusting off the shelf But when all is said and done I know I'll find my higher self My higher self and shadow These pieces make up me And once they come together We can live in harmony This process isn't easy So many battles that I've lost But this war waging inside me I'll win at whatever cost My past, it had a purpose And I'll never forget It forged a girl through fire That I never will forget I've lived in fear and darkness Through depression and all that pain I had nothing left to lose And nothing new to gain Death he was no stranger in fact a friend from hell But death, he has a playground And I played until I fell Now all the fun was gone, the joy had gone away I needed you to just feel normal And make it through another day One thing about myself, I'm strong, I don't give up So I picked myself up off the floor and said I'd had enough Each day it was a struggle to just keep you away I slipped, I had my struggles, but this time I knew I'd be ok I got a little stronger, though each day still made me nervous But I was still alive, and that's what gave me purpose I've seen too many fall, and not get up again I lost so many people, and buried most my friends Despite my reckless lifestyle, I never wanted that to be my fate I wanted to get help,