Fall is near, i feel the breeze on my face as I run to the bus to get to school happy that the summer is leaving. I know fall is near because the leaves in my back yard are falling. Only if its two or three, fall is near. At this time every year I get a little bit darker and I tend to spend more time with the leaves on the ground or in the dark of my room with the black out curtains pulled tight with no way for light to seep in. I would start the spiral season, it wasn't fall or autumn to me, it was depression even in my favorite season I was still so depressed, I was falling down the rabbit hole. I would live my life with each season, my heart would live by the weather and I would live by the rules of my mind. Rule 1. In spring your happy, your okay, your bubbly Rule 2. In summer your a trouble maker and always hyper active living on impulse Rule 3. In the fall you stay in your room looking at tv or social media Become closed off. Rule 4. Winter is your worst. You are the depression they feared. Cuts everywhere. This fall is different, I dont know the season because my heart is going down the rabbit hole. I know the season because I am present and im happier and im managing my bipolar. I grew up and realized if I close off everyone will leave, so I leaned to take care of myself, im not in the rabbit hole im jumping in a pile of fall leaves with my dog and cant wait for winter to play in the snow. I dont hate these seasons lile I used to, I tend to find more inspiration of why I should care about people in these seasons then another time, I have found a way to feel alive, now I never want to go back to my old self ever again, im not going down the rabbit hole.... ~ saint