I’ll have a blue Christmas I already know Same old decorations Same old snow Your handwriting’s still on the list Things we never got around to I keep buying gifts For someone I lost too soon Your seat at the table Still pulls at my eye I catch myself waiting Then remember why “You always saved my chair for me Even when I was late I never said thank you enough Guess I’ll say it now, I’ll wait” I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas Every color burns Red feels angry Green just hurts Gold shines bright But it isn’t true I’ll have a blue Christmas For you I found your scarf in the back of the drawer Smelled you before I hit the floor Sat there crying Until my head went quiet The house remembers how you moved Every creak feels wrong without you I talk out loud Just to hear something human I miss the way you ruined songs Singing half the words Now silence finishes every line Before I get hurt “You always said I sang too loud And still let me anyway I hear you singing to yourself now You’re better than you say” I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas Bells sound cruel Every joyful sound Feels brand new and wrong and rude They keep saying time will do What time never does I’ll have a blue Christmas Because of love Did you know you were my home? “I felt it every day.” I should’ve said it more out loud. “You said it in your way.” Does it hurt where you are now? “Not the way it hurts for you.” Then why does my chest feel split in two? “Because you’re still loving me too.” I’ll have a blue Christmas No matter the year Everyone’s smiling I disappear The lights stay on The world feels new But I’ll have a blue Christmas For you “Save me a place in every song I’ll be listening.” I do Every time